Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
