Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
