i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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