whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
