After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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