btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
