he puts the penis in happiness.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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