My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I looked at my own cervix.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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