Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
