Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
