some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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