SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
