Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
