There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
