his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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