Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
