Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
