Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
