I think I won the penis lottery.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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