R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
