it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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