no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
