Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
