i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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