Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
