Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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