between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
