im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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