so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
