If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
