i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
