If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
