in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
