Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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