i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
