My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
