Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
