After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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