So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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