just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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