Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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