I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
