Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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