She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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