Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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