It's Friday. Sex?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
