the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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