What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
