Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
