It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
