we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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