i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize